To My Sweet Girls

My sweet girls. Why? Because I realized the other night, after weeks of pondering, what my purpose is. Not just my purpose in particular, but all of ours.

The point of being here is… to serve. Obviously!

But not so obviously that I was saved from weeks of inner turmoil. “To glorify God.” It’s the point of life according to the Bible. But what did that mean? Live righteously? Take no credit? Always pointing back to Him? It all sounded right, but with no set actionable steps. And I love directness.

Unfortunately that’s now how our God speaks to us. Well sometimes, but not always. Round and round I went. Until…

I was just nursing the baby like usual, when a sharp pain came up in my heart. The twinge resided but the ache stayed. It became hard to breathe. Everything felt off. The more I focused on it the more wrong it felt. So I asked ChatGPT…

It’s not my favorite tool, but I’d seen a post saying it had saved someone’s life. I typed in my symptoms and there it was; “Seek medical attention now.”

I called your father, barely able to breathe. From the anxiety or the pain I know not. When he answered all I could do was blubber.

When I’d finally relayed the message with at least 85% clarity he told me to relax, it was likely anxiety and he was on his way home. You both sat there and looked at me like the world was ending.

I pulled you to me and we laid there. Waiting for the result. I prayed and prayed and prayed.

“Please Lord, let me live. They need me. I need to be here for them.”

And I understood. That’s why I am alive.

To serve. No thing in life could I consume that would make worth the pain of the suffering we experience here. But for them…

For my children and husband I would wear the crown of thorns. I would pick up my cross and follow Him. When I pleaded to the Father I finally knew: I am alive to love them.

John 10:10–11 — “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.”

John 15:9–13 — “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love… Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”